Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize