Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
OPIZZABONMYDICK
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
