In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
