Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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