thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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