So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
