Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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