You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
