perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
