these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
