32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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