We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
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