you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
