Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
