You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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