I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
