Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
