She's JV to your varsity
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
