AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
