and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
