yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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