My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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