dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
