idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Randomize
