I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
