I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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