he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
