Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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