I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
