I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
