i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
