I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
