I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
