no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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