Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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