he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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