Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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