i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
