I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
