My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize