why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize