He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
