At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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