Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
