Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
