He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
