dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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