I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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