Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
