Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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