He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
