DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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