Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
