i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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