Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
These tits shall not be calmed
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
