so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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