My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
