u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
