I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
