So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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