im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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