I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
