The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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