i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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