You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i black out too much to be "responsible"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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