Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
